After the Exit: Why Some Founders Feel Worse Once the Deal Closes

The money is in the account. The congratulations have stopped. And one Tuesday morning, for the first time in fifteen years, nobody needs you before nine o'clock.

Many founders expect the sale of their company to feel like arrival. For some it does. For others the months after closing are among the most disorienting of their lives, and they rarely say so, because from the outside they have won.

Why winning can feel like losing

Psychology has a long-standing finding about adaptation. In a well-known 1978 study, Philip Brickman and colleagues found that lottery winners were, after a while, not much happier than people who had not won. We adapt to good fortune faster than we expect. What we do not adapt to as easily is the loss of what gave the days their shape.

For a founder, the company was rarely only an asset. It was a structure, a team, a reason to get up, a position in the world and an answer to the question of who they are. A sale transfers the asset. It also quietly removes much of the rest.

Becoming an ex

The sociologist Helen Ebaugh, who studied people leaving roles that had defined them, described a recognisable path: doubts, a search for alternatives, a turning point, and finally the slow construction of an identity as someone who used to be that person. The risk after a sale is skipping that last stage and rushing into the next deal, which postpones the question rather than answering it.

Questions worth sitting with

• What did the company give you that money cannot buy back?
• Who will you be on an ordinary Tuesday six months after closing?
• Who in your family has been waiting for this moment, and what are they expecting from it?
• Is the next venture something you want, or something that protects you from an empty diary?

What the research suggests

People cope better with leaving a defining role when the transition is anticipated rather than sudden, and when they have begun to build other sources of identity before the old one ends. The deal is usually prepared for years. The person often is not.

Sources: Brickman, P., Coates, D. and Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; Ebaugh, H. R. F. (1988), Becoming an Ex: The Process of Role Exit, University of Chicago Press.

These ideas are developed in Michele's book Leadership Coaching with Horses: The Power of Psychometrics and Biofeedback (Routledge, 2025).

If this is familiar, write to Michele's office in confidence: info@nature-motivation.com. Every enquiry is read by Michele.